Get fit fattie! Get a mountain bike!

So I've tried the dieting, but I eat healthily already. I reduce my beer intake, and drink more wine/spirits. But what's really missing is exercise. Probably what is missing from most fatties’ lifestyle!

I've tried swimming, but it gave me a bad neck. I can do weights and stuff, but that doesn't really burn any calories. I'm pretty good at jogging, but it's so fucking dull: Hours staring at the same bit of road slowly rolling past, heart pounding, and lungs gasping. Yes its exercise, but it’s HELL!

It was my wife who suggested a pushbike and to be honest, at first I wasn't so interested. But she was going to get one anyway, so I thought I'd look into it. The more I looked into it, the more it made sense. After all, how did we all used to get around when we were kids and teenagers? We sure as hell didn't walk!

I used to bike EVERYWHERE! Me and my mates used to go for miles; all the neighbouring villages and back roads. It was fun and healthy.

So now I got my bike, and I'm out and about whenever it's not pissing it down. I even got a tachometer so I know I've done 60 miles on the thing already (and that it can do 32MPH if I peddle REALLY hard).


So, if you like me need to get more exercise, but can't be arsed with the gym, get bored with jogging and can't swim. Just go get a pushbike! Even better, get a Mountain Bike! You don't even have to go on the roads then!

One word of advice though, if you do go off-road, get some puncture proof tyres or fill your tubes up with Slime, as it will be about 5 minutes into the off-road when you get a puncture (and yes, this will happen when you are furthest from home and aforementioned wife will have to come save you).