Ban Fireworks and Save The World!

Carbon Emissions, Seriously, I don’t know about anybody else but I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing about it. Ok, I don’t necessarily want to start a political debate, so I’m going to make a few assumptions such as, yes we all accept we should all ‘do our bit’, we all accept weather you believe in global warming or not, that we should all take interest in looking after our planet. Fair enough. I think it’s also fair to say, that it doesn’t take a Quantum Physics degree to figure out that every Tom, Dick and Harry has jumped on the band wagon. It’s like the golden ticket of ripping people off, the perfect avenue for stealth tax. We all know this, we all moan about it and we all know there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop it. One way or another we will pay more tax and the so called problem of carbon emissions remain.

The best part of all of this though, are the brilliant ideas and proposals put forward for the cause of reducing carbon emissions.
One theory, and this is one hundred percent genuine, I read it in the Sun.
No seriously, I read it in the Times, and this has sparked a huge online debate. The proposal is to ban fresh milk. The theory is that if supermarkets stock mostly long-life, UHT milk, it will require less refrigeration, thus cutting down on carbon emissions. This is absolutely true. Now I’m no scientist, but I always thought UHT stood for 'ultra high temperature', a belief that a quick Google-search backs up. So I can't help being sceptical from the start about the government claim that switching from fresh to UHT milk would benefit the environment. Doesn't all that heating involve quite a lot of carbon emissions?
More to the point, anyone who's ever been on a camping trip, visited a hot country or purchased a cheap coffee from a vending machine will testify, UHT milk tastes pretty shit. At best, it's a last resort. And not to mention the flip side to this whole idea, the effect it would have on out dairy farmers.
So, this made me think, it’s easy for me to mock these ideas so what would I do? What would be my better, sensible proposal?
Well, let me tell you. Ok so the left wingers have got there way in saving our health by bringing in the smoking ban, the politicians are and will continue to fleece us all out of more emission taxes. Our society wants us to live for as long, healthy and safely as possible so they can tax us for longer. Take knives off our streets & eat healthily. You get the idea.
So my idea is simple. Ban Guy Fawlks night. You can probably guess were I’m going with this but seriously. Why is it, that we are constantly bombarded by this caring nation with all the advice on healthy eating, stop smoking, stop drinking, don’t do drugs, don’t carry guns and knifes, save our planet save our souls, etc. yet once a year, its perfectly acceptable to buy lethal explosives at any corner shop and build ruddy great bon fires. Every year people blow there faces off; burn there houses down and probably let off more carbon emissions in one night than all the cars in one year. It’s expensive, stupid and dangerous, and call me old and grumpy but it’s bloody annoying too. Because people can’t even stick to celebrating one night any more, oh no, it’s a fortnight of vain popping annoyance. Every year I feel like I’m landing on Omaha beach in 1945 just trying to get inside the house? All the cats and dogs are shaking under tables scared shitless.

So, Make the world a safer place, cut carbon emissions and respect the peace and be kind to animals all in one go. Ban bon fire night and keep fresh milk. (cocks)